


Seven Steps to Falling In Love

by boredowl



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Oikawa Tooru is a Dork, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Reader-Insert, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 12:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12887958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredowl/pseuds/boredowl
Summary: The feeling was long forgotten, but he made her feel it once more.Oikawa Toru(Reader Insert)





	1. Step One

**[step 1.** _you don't quite remember how it feels to_ feel _but there's an echo in your chest that you think might be curiosity. or maybe its just heartburn._ ** _]_**

 

She stared at her reflection in the mirror once more, preparing herself for the start of her first day of her third year in a new high school. Walking out the door, she sighed to herself. The walk to school was quiet as she walked the paths by herself. Not being bothered by the silence she thought of all that's happened.

Her parents had filed a divorce a couple months prior to the end of her second year so she's now living with a close uncle, she's moved schools twice now (this being her third), and she's lost the will to make any friends. She's grown accustomed to the fact that she just might end up moving again. No one stays in touch with the new girl so why bother?

Arriving at the school gates, she took a deep breath and prepared herself. Slowly walking in, she was amidst a large group of girls, clearly surrounding something or more likely  _someone_. The girls were excited to be around this person, trying to capture their attention if only for a second.

Moving forward, she tried to get away from the group before anything happened. It was hard getting out of the way when more and more girls came to flock around. Finally making it out of the large mob, she turned and for a second, her eyes caught sight of chocolate brown. They kept her in a small trance before she was bumped into, forcing her to look away.

She made her way inside the school, looking for the faculty room.

Back at the school gates, the person who owned those eyes was left with a knock to his head.

"Ow! Iwa-chan! What was that for!?"

Said 'Iwa-chan' only pushed him forward grumbling, "...stupid Trashykawa... we're gonna be late for class so hurry up!"

Making their way inside, 'Trashykawa' was left thinking of those unrecognizable eyes.

~

**_Shoot shoot shoot!! How can I already be lost!?_** _._ She was panicking. The bell had already rung and she was left in the hallway like a deer in front of headlights. Not having a clue as to where the faculty room was, she was roaming the halls hoping to catch sight of it.

Losing hope, she sat on a nearby bench. As she sat there, she prayed to the gods to spare her and give her some help, but she knew it was futile since she's only been cursed with bad luck the past few months.

Closing her eyes she tried to recollect herself. She stayed that way for a few minutes although it felt longer than that. All of a sudden she felt something flick her forehead. Opening her eyes, she saw a boy. He looked younger than her, but he held a strong, menacing glare on his face.

Surprised, she stood and waited for him to say something. Only he didn't. He continued to stare at her with that scary look of his.

"..can I help you..?" she asked as loud as she could. He only scoffed, but said, "I think you're the one who needs it." And with that he continued down the hall, leaving her dumbfounded. She stood there watching his silhouette disappear, only for him to come back moments later. He stared at her once more before saying, "You're lookin' for the faculty room aren't you?"

She quickly nodded and followed him. He remained a few feet in front of her, showing the way. Silence surrounded the both of them as they continued down the hall. Her anxiety grew as the silence withstood, hesitant whether or not to introduce herself.  ** _It's not like I'll ever see him again. At least to give off a good impression..._**

Clearing her throat, she looked slightly up at him and he looked at her from the corner of his eyes. He waited for her to speak up.

"Uh.. my name is (l/n). (l/n) (f/n), third year." She saw him stiffen up a bit at the mention of being a third year. He stayed silent. They stayed that way for a few short minutes and she couldn't help but think that her introduction was all for naught. Silently sighing, she continued looking forward.

"...Kyo..ni..," he mumbled.

"Hm?"

"I said Kyotani. Kyotani Kentarō, second year..." He looked away and walked a little faster.

Catching up to him, she smiled a little. Not long after, they finally made it to the faculty room. She gave him a small bow and thanked him for the help as to which he only grumbled and went on his way. Making her way inside, she quickly apologized for being late and she readied herself for the rest of the school day.

~

At the end of her final class, she remained at her seat. She waited until the final of the students were walking out to begin putting her things away. The day was uneventful, just the occasional look from the students upon hearing of their new classmate.

Keeping to herself, she walks out into the streets. Stopping at an intersection, she tries to remember the apartment number of her uncle.  **I should've written it down before I left...** , she thought. Keeping her composure she kept walking, looking around to see if she recognized something from her walk this morning.

Instead of recognizing something, she saw a familiar back in the boys uniform. She knew who it was, but didn't want to call out to him, afraid he'd attack her or something.

Finally seeing something she remembered from this morning, she continued on her way and much to her dismay the boy she met only hours ago seemed to be going on the same path.  **How come I didn't see him in the morning...?**

Lost in her thoughts, she failed to see him stop and so she walked right into him. Realizing what she did, she was about to give him a short apology, but he interrupted her.

"Oi. Are you following me or something?" He gave off the same menacing aura from their first encounter. Looking down on her, he waited for her answer.

"I'm walking home," and with that she walked right passed him. She planned on keeping a low profile and talking with him didn't seem to be a good idea. She could still hear him behind her, but it only made her frantic.

Finally recognizing the apartment building, she walked faster. She didn't realize that Kyotani was right behind her.

Waiting in the elevator to open, Kyotani stood next to her. He waited for the elevator as well and he looked really ticked off. She didn't make a move to ask why he was there. 

The ding of the arriving elevator broke the silence and they both made their way in. Neither of them made a move to press the button to the corresponding floor. As the awkward silence hung, he finally pressed the keypad. Relief is what she felt when she saw that they held different floors.

The ride to his floor was silent and they both remained at opposite sides of the small space. When the elevator door opened, he grunted and walked out.

She was happy to be home and didn't want to deal with anymore human interaction. Skipping dinner, she made her way to her room and drifted to sleep.

~

A few weeks after the elevator encounter with Kyotani, they subconsciously made it an everyday routine. They slowly spoke more to each other and were soon able to call each other friends.

After a while, she finally was able to really look at him. He had cropped blond hair with two stripes running down the sides of his head, just above his ears. He was a boy of few words, but made his intentions known through his actions. That was one of the things she appreciated about him.

It meant she didn't have to talk as much as she would have to with any other person.

She found that he was fond of volleyball and was an active member of the schools volleyball team, being a wing spiker as his position.

He also grew to know her and he was fine with calling her his friend. At first he recognized it as just tolerating her, but soon he decided against it.

On days she didn't have club (much to her dismay, she was forced to join one), she would wait for him outside of the gym so they could walk home together as always.

Their friendship only grew from there, even if sometimes it was just playful banter or walks filled with silence.

~

Winter was starting and that meant it was time for the huge coats and warm, fluffy scarfs. Kyotani would make fun of her on days she wore her large jacket. He would say it made her look like a buff old man.

Today seemed to be one of those days and as soon as he walked into the elevator, he snorted and said,

"Hey old man. How's the gym this time of the year?"

She only scoffed and said, "Oi Kyotani. Will you stop that already? I'll never speak to you again if you keep doing that."

They both knew she was only kidding. In the past two months they had known each other, he noticed that he was her only friend. And she obviously didn't seem to mind that she was lacking in that area.

Once they made it to the street, he started talking about his recent volleyball training and he begun to complain about his captain.

His captain had given him a nickname and Kyotani wasn't very fond of it.

"So what is the nickname?"

"I'm not telling you. Or else you'll start calling me it too."

She rolled her eyes at this. "Oh whatever. I'm your upperclassmen so you must tell me."

"To hell with that. I'm not telling you."

He started walking faster and she began to curse those long legs of his. She was starting to get left behind and tried to keep up with him.

They went their separate ways and started their day. Classes were boring as per usual and she tuned in and out of each and every one of her lessons. She anticipated the end of the school day.

And when it did come to an end, she made her way to the lockers. There was a note from Kyotani telling her to go to the gym after club. Groaning at this, she shoved it into her pocket.

At the end of club, she made her way to the gym. She could already hear the smack of the volleyball hitting the floor and the sound of the coach's whistle. She made her way inside and walked towards the benches. She sat there watching and she noticed a brunette male speaking to Kyotani.

She assumed it was the captain since he had the number one jersey. Hoping to hear the nickname, she tried to hear what they were talking about, even if she was a distance away.

Kyotani finally noticed her and walked towards her, ignoring his captain. She saw this and she was about to ask him if he was ready when he threw his sweaty jersey at her face.

"What the hell? Keep your sweaty jersey to yourself asshole."

She threw it off herself and glared at him. He only gave a quiet laugh and told her to wait a little bit.

"I'm going to get my stuff."

He walked off and she sat there waiting. Rummaging through her bag, she didn't notice the shadow looming over her.

"Are you Mad Dog-chan's little girlfriend~?"

That got the girls attention. Not the fact of being called someone's girlfriend, but the nickname.

"Is that what you call Kyotani? Mad dog-chan?"

The brunette perked up at this question and he begun to tell the girl of how he came up with it.

"You see, when I first met him, he reminded me of a rabid dog..."

He kept going on and on with his story. She eventually lost interest and mentally pleaded him to shut up already.

Once he caught on to her uninterested form, to say he was surprised would be an understatement. He's so used to having girls flock and fight for his attention that he didn't see this coming.

She heard him clear his throat and said,

"Oikawa. Oikawa Torū." He gave her his signature smile and to that she scoffed.

"(L/n). (L/n) (y/n)." She reached to shake his hand and when their hands met, she felt something stir deep within her.

She hasn't felt that in a while and it made her scared. Before she fell could fall into the feeling any further, she quickly separated her hand from his.

And to her relief, Kyōtani finally made it out of the locker room and she immediately got up.

"Let's go  _mad dog-chan_!"

Hearing this, Kyotani made a displeased sound and pushed her out the doors. Oikawa could hear their complaining, but he was left dumbfounded.

Eyes wide, he stared at his hand. He knew. He felt it too. The feeling familiar, yet altogether so new.

Oikawa knew what this feeling meant.  Yet, while he did, the girl didn't. One of her last thoughts before going to bed was,

_It was probably just heartburn._


	2. Step Two

_[ **step 2.** there's something different about the way he moves, like the earth is a chessboard and every step is a potential loss, another way to be taken from the game.]_

 

"i have a practice match today so you can go straight home." 

she closed the door to her locker when kyotani showed up. she fixed her things so they wouldnt fall out of her grasps before looking at him. 

"i thought we were getting ice cream today?" she said, not caring about the looks they always seemed to get. it was only natural since kyotani was an underclassmen.

"no.  _you_ were getting ice cream. i was only gonna tag along." kyotani got up from leaning against the lockers, walking away without another word. 

she followed him, contemplating whether staying to watch or not. he's had practice matches before, but she never attended. she reached into her bag looking for a certain object. when she didnt feel it anywhere, she made up her mind.

"ill go. just so you can buy me my promised ice cream. that and i forgot my key at home. uncle wont be home till late so.."

he scoffed. this wasnt the first time she forgot the key to her apartment. 

"y'know, im getting tired of babysitting you. i think ill start charging your uncle." she punched kyotani's arm, but followed him nonetheless to the gym. 

"who're you going up against this time?" 

kyotani didnt say a word. he held a scowl, but she didnt question him. she didnt want him lashing out at her over a stupid question. 

they reached the gym in a matter of minutes. the squeaking of shoes on the gym floor was heard even from outside the doors. just as kyotani opened them, he heard his captain.

"mad dog chan~!! youre here!" oikawa walked towards him.

before he even made it an arms length towards kyotani, iwaizumi kicked him, yelling,

"focus trashkawa!!"

she laughed at seeing this and made her way to the benches. kyotani made his way to the locker room and oikawa was looking around. 

trying to find  **her**. 

when he did, he made sure iwaizumi wasnt paying attention and made his way to her. she noticed him come up and he offered her his signature smile. she didnt smile back but acknowledged his presence with a nod. 

"are you here to cheer on mad dog chan?" he asked, getting closer with every word. 

she replied with, "i mean i guess? im actually just here cos i forgot my apartment key and he owes me ice cream." 

she looked through her bag for a piece of gum. when she did, she popped it in her mouth.

"id offer you some, but youre about to be in a game and i dont think you want to choke while being out there." 

he gave a small laugh at this and was about to counter with something else, but iwaizumi called out to him again. 

in a very irritated tone as well. 

"well im off!~ enjoy the match." he gave her a small wave, turning his head away before she could see the small blush forming on his face. 

kyotani had witnessed their interaction and to say he wasnt too happy about it was an understatement. 

as he wallked by her, he called her stupid and she seemed to hear him because she retaliated by yelling back,

"asswipe, i hope you lose your match." 

~

about twenty minutes after, the opposing team arrived. she saw their jersey colors were black and orange. 

she recognized the color scheme. 

it was karasuno. she briefly remembered attending karasuno before she moved yet again. 

as the rest of the team made it inside, she immediately recognized some of her old classmates. 

they seemed to recognize her as well. the silver haired beauty gave her a slight wave, almost as if he were unsure if it was alright for him to say hello. 

she gave him a small smile. she knew their faces, but not necessarily knew them personally.  

oikawa and kyotani noticed this. oikawa felt something in him burn and only gave him more of a reason to want to beat karasuno. 

the teams respectfully greeted each other before starting the match. karasuno was the first to start. she saw oikawa say something to the opposing setter and the poor guy stiffened up. 

oikawa only laughed, saying, "sorry tobio chan~" 

and just like that, aoba johsai won a point. 

~

every few minutes into the game, shed stop paying attention.

but every time she heard the whistle go off, shed check the point board. 

_11-7_

aoba johsai was ahead four points. she looked back at the court and she saw that oikawa was getting ready to serve.

he held the ball and was swirling it in his hands. his eyes held such determination, that she was sure it could cut through the hopeful thoughts of the opposite team. 

he threw the volleyball into the air and she was mesmerized. 

oikawas movements were filled with grace, and yet held so much ruthless force. the force in that serve was unbelievably strong and the opposing team wasn't able to recover from a serve like that. 

countless serves were thrown by him and with each serve, she couldnt look away. her eyes followed each and every fluid movement his body made. 

she noticed that for each ball he set, he did differently. 

his techniques would change for every single one of his players on his team and she could see why he was captain. 

aoba johsai won the match with a ten point difference, oikawa happy with about beating the counter setter.

she still couldnt believe what she had witnessed.  _no wonder hes such a celebrity here._

before karsuno left, the third years made their way to her. she didnt know why they would and when they made it to her, they didnt know exactly why themselves. 

the silver haired boy from before spoke first. 

"you attended karasuno didnt you? i recognize you from asahis class." he pointed to the tall guy on his right. said guy flinched at the mention of his name and gave her a smile while subconsciously rubbing the back of his neck. 

"i did, but i didnt stay there long." she replied, wary if this interaction was okay. 

the brunette to his left cleared his throat and introduced himself and the others, "im daichi, this is suga, and as suga said, thats asahi. you might remember him more than the rest of us." 

she felt bad because she honestly didnt really remember this asahi guy. sure, they were in the same class, but they never went as far as to have an actual conversation. 

before she could reply, their coach had called them back. they bid her and the aoba johsai team goodbye. 

kyotani showed up beside her.

"i didnt know you went to karasuno." 

"you never asked. and besides, its not important." she grabbed her things and made a motion towards the door, implying that she would wait outside. 

he silently agreed and made his way to change into less sweaty attire. 

she was outside of the gym, looking up at the very little stars that had appeared. her mind reverted back to the match, remembering oikawas moves. 

before she could fall deeper, she saw the light come out of the gym. thinking it was kyotani she said,

"take your time beauty queen, the ice cream shop will still be open by the time we get there!" but only to turn around and find oikawa. embarassed, she tried to muster up an apology, but he spoke before she did.

"yes i know im beautiful, no need to tell me twice." he had a light smirk to which she scoffed. 

he stepped closer to her, smiling. ignoring him, she looked back up to the stars. they stood there in silence, half expecting each other to say something.

oikawa was about to say something when she spoke.

"youre actually not as lousy as kyotani makes you out to be."

"ha, that mad dog... of course im not. im the best set-"

"sure you are oikawa." kyotani surprised the both of them. he leaned against the gym doors watching the two. he got up and made his way next to her. "lets go. i wanna get your ice cream and get home soon." 

and with that he pulled her along by the arm with him leaving oikawa behind. 

halfway out the school grounds she pulled herself away from him. "what is your problem??" 

he stopped and turned to look at her. 

"nothing. lets just go." he kept walking, creating a distance between the two of them. but not shortly after, she went after him at a slower pace, but eventually caught up to be next to him. 

nothing else was said. he bought her her ice cream and silently made their way home. 

it was eerily silent in the elevator and before they made it to his floor, she congratulated him. 

"you played good. ill make sure to watch during your other games." she tried offering him a small smile, but he didnt look at her. 

she knew something bothered him and she racked her brain trying to remember if she did anything wrong. coming up with nothing she said,

"lets meet up tomorrow. to celebrate your win." he finally looked her way and agreed for the meet up. he got off the elevator waving goodbye. she only hoped that she didnt anger him and would make amends with him in the morning.


	3. Step Three

_[ **step 3.** you promise protection because it is all you can offer. what else could he want? your fingers were only made to hurt and tear and bruise. you hold violence the same way others hold hands.]_

 

the following day, she spent it with kyotani. just as promised. she had let him decide what to do and he just started walking. he walked and walked, not speaking.

following him, she didn't say a word either.

they eventually arrived at the local park. it was filled with the laughs and happy cries of children playing, their parents sitting on the benches keeping watch in case they get hurt.

he stood at the entrance and she took this as her cue to take charge.

"cmon loser, let's get on the swings." and so she proceeded to make her way towards them. he slowly followed after her and so they swung.

they swung slowly at first, but then it turned into a competition of who could go the highest. he was determined to win and she could of sworn she saw a smile on his face, but as soon as it came it left.

eventually she won. he claimed to have let her win.

"actually no. i won fair and square mad dog chan!" she teased.

sitting there on the swing, he made a face at the name and he stood up, walking away from her.

confused, she went after him. "where do you want to go now?" she questioned. he remained quiet.

she decided to maintain a conversation. she spoke as long as she could, throwing in a couple of dad jokes here and there, even if she was the only one laughing.

~

oikawa had gone out to meet up with iwaizumi, or iwachan as he called him. he was almost to their meeting place when he heard it.

as he was walking by the park, he heard her voice. at first he thought he was imagining it and called himself crazy, but then he heard the low voice of his team mate.

slowly, he looked inside the park and he saw her. she was smiling and gave out a hearty laugh and god he could feel himself melt just at the sound.

he quickly texted iwa about the sudden change of plans, dusted off any fuzz on his clothes and made his way towards them.

his phone buzzed, letting him know it was a new message. he didn't bother to look at it since he knew it was probably just iwachan scolding him.

~

kyotani eventually joined her, telling her the funniest dad jokes he knew.

"what time did the man go to the dentist? tooth hurt-y."

she couldn't take these bad jokes anymore, but she laughed along anyway.

"okay, okay. do you wanna hear a joke?"

he looked at her expectantly.

"no!" her response ending in a laugh.

"never mind. it's tearable."

he turned to look at her and he saw that she was laughing, but not a laugh that you would normally hear. she's doing that silent laugh where youre practically wheezing cos you can't take it anymore.

she's holding onto her sides, finding a way to get herself to stop laughing at the seemingly terrible joke.

he's trying to get her to calm down, telling her that the joke wasn't even that deep and then they both freeze.

"(f/n)-chaaaaaaaan~!"

hearing the sound of her name, she turned around and saw  **him**. he waved and made his way towards them, now faster than before.

kyotani has the scowl back on his face, the dad jokes a distant memory.

"oikawa-san." he said. "oh hey kyotani."

kyotani was taken aback. oikawa rarely ever used his name.

"oi, wait. since when are we on a first name basis, oikawa-san?" she spoke. she had recovered from the shock of his sudden appearance.

he only shrugged but remained at their side, smiling that stupid smile of his. the three stood quietly, not really knowing what to say.

eventually oikawa took out his phone and moved it towards her. she gave him a look that said 'what?'. he laughed and said "let's exchange numbers! that way we can stay in contact~."

kyotani's scowl grew at the sound of those words. and when he saw her oblige to oikawa's request, his blood boiled. he tried to keep his face stoic and not show his anger but neither of them noticed.

they were immersed in their own conversation, sort of forgetting kyotani was even there. a couple minutes after, she got a call from her uncle telling her to come home.

she parted ways from the boys, oikawa watching her leave with a noticeable tint on his cheeks and a wide smile.

kyotani scoffed and said "whatever it is you're trying to do stop it. she's got enough on her hands and a whiney guy like you is the last thing she needs."

and with that he began to walk away, but stopped when oikawa spoke.

"think what you want but don't forget who runs the court here. if you want to keep playing i'd suggest you butt out. i don't intend on hurting her if that's what you think."

oikawa then walked up beside him, patted his back and walked off.

~

she returned home only to find her mother there.

she didnt know how to feel. she hadnt seen her in months.

her mother never tried to contact her after sending her off to her uncles.

instead of sitting next to the said woman, she sat across from her. she didnt speak, but just looked at her.

"there must be a lot youll want to talk about im sure, so ill leave you two alone." said her uncle. shortly after he walked out, silence remained.

neither of the two women made a sound, until her mother spoke.

"how have you been?" she didnt answer.

"how do you like your new school?" still, no answer.

"any friends?" she only sighed, tired of hearing her mother trying to make small talk.

"answer me at least once. give me some credit for at least trying."

" _trying_? mother, since when did you  _try_? when you were sucking face with that brute?"

"dont you dare talk to me like that. i am still your mother and i deserve your utmost respe-"

"respect? is that what you think you deserve?" she was close to tears now.

"listen you brat."

ah there she is. her true colours were now showing.

"if it werent for you, maybe none of this wouldve happened. if you had just kept your mouth shut, maybe your father wouldnt  _hate_ you for what you told him."

she didnt speak now. only listened to her mother insult her for the tragedy she created.

"how many times has he contacted you huh? oh please enlighten me on how much he loves you!... you ruined our lives (y/n). did you know that we didn't even plan on having children? but oh no. you just had to come along... i should've aborted you when i had the chance.. and now you're on drugs! who could believe that a girl at your age is already on anti-depressants. you brought this upon yourself so stop begging for pity." her mother showed no remorse.

the cold eyes of this woman bore into her daughters.

out of all the insults, this one had hurt her the most to the point where she finally broke. the tears spilled slowly and then altogether down her face. her uncle soon stepped in, hearing what his sister had just said.

"i think it's best you just leave. ill keep in contact." his voice stern, he couldn't believe the things his sister had just said to his one and only niece.

he turned to look at (y/n), trying to comfort her, but she just stood there. eyes blank but still overflowing with tears.

he moved to hug her, to give her comfort but she walked past him, not sparing a glance to her mother who still stood there as if she had said nothing to cause such pain.

reaching her room, she was about to call kyotani, her best friend, the only person she could think of to see at the moment. but her phone rang silently in her hands.

not even looking at the caller id, with a shaking voice she answered.

~

oikawa was pacing in his room.

he was having an inner battle with himself at the moment. not knowing whether to just call her or wait a bit longer.

he weighed the options around, he even asked iwa for his opinion but he wasn't much help.

"cmon toru! man up and just call!" he quietly hyped himself up.

he grabbed his phone, the little alien charms his nephew had given him dangled from a corner.

he moved his thumb around the call button after finding her contact, still debating.

he heard a noise from outside and that was enough to scare him and press the button.

once he saw what he had done, there was no going back. he didn't want to hang up since it was already ringing.

he didn't know what he was scared of the most at the moment. the fact that he's calling or that she might ignore his call.

but then he heard it. her voice, saying a shaky hello.

"(y/n)-chan?"

"ah oikawa-san. is there something you need?" she sniffed a little at the end, enough to be worried a little more than he already was.

"oh uh i just wanted to say hi. so hi!" he didn't sound as enthusiastic as he wished he could.

there was only silence on the other side of the phone. he was about to say something when she spoke.

"..c-can you meet me at the park..right now?" she quietly asked him.

"r-right now?" he questioned.

"yes right now. you dont have to agree! i know its sudden and-"

"no its fine. ill see you in a bit, okay?" 

ending the call he rushed himself into something that wasnt his pajamas and left his house, his excuse being that he needed to go to the convenience store.

when he arrived she was already there. he slowly made his way to her. and when he had her in front of him her eyes were swollen and red. as he reached for her, she looked up. he retracted his arms, not really knowing what to do with them.

she stood up and sighed. "im really sorry for making you come like this. i just needed to get out of there and... and..." 

tears were falling again and this time he embraced her.

positioning her head on his chest, letting her cry. he knew nothing of what was going on in that mind of hers or what was enough to make her this way.

once she was calm enough she explained everything to him. 

the her mother's affair, her father's utterly disappointed and saddened face when she told him of what she discovered, the divorce and the nonexistent fight for her custody, the schools she had to transfer to, and then finally the nasty words of her mother. 

oikawa didnt know what to say. what  _could_  he even say?

she repeatedly whispered, "this is all my fault. if it werent for me, if i had just kept my mouth shut."

he hushed her and held her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. 

her eyes searched his face and then he spoke.

"this isnt your fault (y/n). stop blaming yourself. it was bound to happen, okay? you are none of the things that woman called you. youre amazing, self-less, kind to even those who dont deserve it. you care a lot for others, even if you dont want to admit it. you are nothing of what she said." 

she gently took his hands off her face and with a sad face she spoke in a hushed tone,

"but how can i not be? thats all i know oikawa. i only know to  _hurt._ its only a matter of time before-" she held back a sob. he hurriedly denied her of those thoughts, telling her the great things about her. 

he reminded her of the great friendship she has with kyotani, the impact shes had on him. 

this brought only a smidgen of a smile to her face. 

"oikawa please. just stop. im a monster, dont you see? im not these great things that you say i am. great things eventually fall in ruin. and i am trying my best to protect all of you from me. i cant say this enough, i hurt those around me. i mean really, look at what i did to my family. i broke it apart." 

"no you didnt. (y/n) you cant keep blaming yourself. cmon, its late and your uncle is probably worried. ive got to get you home." and with that he finished. he didnt let her speak another word of the matter without him wanting to tell her how much he loves her, hoping that his feelings could save her from her hurt. 


	4. Step Four

_[ **step 4.** the first time you see him without medication twisting your brain you think 'this could be a problem.' you try to ignore that it already is, that is has been for a while now.]_

 

she stared at the bottle on her dresser, trying to burn holes into it. she wished she could flush the pills down the toilet, but alas she knew she couldn't. they're the thing that's been helping her cope for the time being, aside from Kyotani who had unknowingly been making her feel better. 

but every morning when she looks at it, she thinks of what her mother said. and about how on that night she revealed herself to Oikawa. always regretting saying what she had blurted out to him. it was like word vomit, not being able to stop her emotions from taking over her. since that night she had stopped going to the volleyball practices and waited for Kyotani by the school gates in order to keep her distance from Oikawa. she's been at it for a month now.

even though he did say kind words to her, she couldn't stop herself from thinking that he now thought and looked at her with disgust, he probably thought she was pathetic and wanted nothing but to get rid of her. she didn't need him to say it, she knew that after everything she had said that night he looked at her differently and she was only doing him a favor. 

boy, was this girl wrong. 

within the month that she had been keeping her distance, he's been trying to get information out anyone who may be close to her. no one could give him a straight answer, only ever telling him to check with Kyotani as he was the only one who was always with her. 

he had even asked for advice from his closest friends, Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

"why don't you just go up to the girl?" that was Hanamaki talking. 

Hanamaki Takahiro was one to always go along and laugh at the jokes Oikawa would pull on Iwa. 

"I can't just do that! She's obviously avoiding me..."

"maybe she realized how much a shit head you actually are." Matsukawa and Hanamaki couldn't hold in their laughter, especially when Iwaizumi had such a straight face after saying such a thing. 

"Iwa-chan!! this is serious!!!" Oikawa was starting to get fidgety. "Matsun what do you think?"

Matsukawa was a guy of few words but he also liked to tease his captain, just as everyone else. 

he only shrugged, "i agree with Hanamaki, just go up to her."

"or you could ask Kyotani." Iwa knew that wasn't an option in Oikawa's book and what Oikawa's reply wasn't much of a surprise either.

"no."

~ 

 _what's taking him so long,_ the girl had been waiting for Kyotani as usual, but it seemed that said boy hadn't come out yet. she was getting impatient as she had tons of homework she had to get done. she also needed to get home to take her medication as she had decided to not take them in the morning. a change of pace she had thought, but it only left her anxiety filled and dreading every moment of the 8 hours worth of classes.

club had been long over for a while and she was debating on going in and looking for him or just leaving him and go home by herself. she didn't want to have to face Oikawa if she went looking for him, but she also didn't want to be an ass and just leave him. maybe he had to do extra drill or something and that's what was taking him so long. 

she paced in front of the gates until she finally made up her mind and went in looking for him. 

along the way to the gym, she kept hoping and repeating in her head that she wouldn't bump into Oikawa. the gym wasn't too far when she his voice.  _shit shit shit!!_

she saw Oikawa walking along side some other players and immediately tried to hide ,but to her dismay he had seen her. she cursed herself for not taking her meds that morning, her palms beginning to sweat. she hadn't really thought of what she was going to do if she found herself in this exact situation. she couldn't just  **run**. that was one, rude and two, she was sure that she didn't have the stamina to outrun an athlete. 

Oikawa was finally in front of her, neither of them saying a word. He was ecstatic to see her again, but didn't know what exactly to say. he didn't want to scare her away by asking the questions that have been nagging at him for the past month; why was she avoiding him, did he do or say anything that offended her, was everything okay, was  _she_ okay. they kept going around in his head and yet nothing came out of his mouth. 

they went on like this for a few minutes longer until finally Oikawa blurted out, "I've uh no not me uh _we've_  been missing you at practice!"

"oh yea that, sorry i've just been yknow busy with homework and my own club." she replied. she noticed that he was fidgeting. he kept on trying to keep the conversation going and she tried to keep up, but the girl would get lost in her thoughts for a few seconds before she had to answer a question that he had asked her.

thoughts like, _was his hair always that floofy? had he always been much taller than her?_ she would eventually just tune back into their conversation, trying to maintain her focus. she was lost in thought in thought again until a question of his struck her.

"what?" 

"since that other night..."  _he does remember. now he's going to tell me how much he actually hates me,_ she thought. she closed her eyes, not wanting to see the look of hate on his face for such a look wouldn't suit his pretty face.  _pretty? since when did she think his face was pretty?_

"have you been purposely avoiding me?"  _ah, so he did notice. of course he would._

"I.. I'm sorry Oikawa-san, I came in here looking for Kyotani. I'm afraid we'll have to stop this here, I have to get going.." 

she was starting to walk away when he took her arm in his hand, not wanting to let her disappear again. "I'm sorry if what i said that night wasn't my place. I..."  _he looks so vulnerable,_ she thought. 

he held her in place, waiting for an answer, a reaction to his words, anything to give him some way to handle this. but she didn't. she was avoiding the him and now the question as well. he was about to say something else, but he felt someone pull his arm back from her with such force that it shocked him. 

it was none other than Kyotani. 

Kyotani didn't ask what was going on, but said "you should've stayed at the gate." he then took her hand in his and walked away, leaving Oikawa standing alone, his question still unanswered.

She let Kyotani drag her away. she wondered what was wrong with her, questioned her own thoughts. she decided that if she ever skipped her medication again that this problem would only get bigger. She didn't want to acknowledge that Oikawa had already been a problem from the start and the more she got involved with him, the harder it was going to be for them both. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short i know but life gets in the way yknow


	5. Step Five

_[step **5.** he vanishes into the night and with him he takes your ability to breathe, leaving a gap in the universe, a vacuum sucking the air from your lungs and for the first time in forever you feel fear.]_

 

ever since kyotani had saved her from oikawa's questions, she had felt that the safe space she shared with kyotani was slowly coming undone. 

his attitude with her had become different. he didn't filter his words with her and his questions grew to be brash on days he was more irritated than usual. 

there were some occasions that he would leave without her in the mornings and when she'd ask why he didn't wait he would only shrug his shoulders. it was starting to become irritating trying to predict his next move. 

at the moment, she was waiting for him by the gates. it was starting to get late when she felt a presence next to her. 

it was oikawa. 

he was in his uniform, beads of sweat on his forehead and a water bottle in his hand. he looked troubled, like he wanted to say something but couldn't come up with words to get his point across. instead of talking, he sat next to her. they were like that for quite a bit, just sitting in silence. 

"im really sorry for the other day. i shouldn't have grabbed you that way." he turned his head towards her, she could see in his eyes that he meant what he said. there was some regret in there too or maybe she was imagining it. 

"it's okay. it was my fault in the first place, if i hadn't called you that night. if i hadn't talked to you about any of it, none of this would've happened, kyotani wouldn't be so.. so.."

"so what?"

"so  _distant_ and  _upset_ with me. he wouldn't hate you so much. oh god im doing it again. forget what i just said oikawa-san, it wasn't important." she urged that he wouldn't say a word about it to kyotani. he quietly complied, but then he asked, "does he know that you're worrying over this? that you hate what he's doing to you?"

oikawa's heart clenched at the words he was saying, he could've instantly convinced her to turn her back on kyotani, that she didn't deserve the way kyotani was being towards her. he wanted to hold her again like he had done before but he kept his arms at his sides. he knew that in order to gain her trust, to be let into her world, he needed to be her friend.

"no, of course not." she sighed a little, closing her eyes and holding her sides. she was trying not to have another episode in front of him.

"maybe you should talk to him about it. he'll understand won't he?" 

"i dunno... what would i even say? i—“

"(y/n)." 

kyotani's voice had startled both her and oikawa. they had both gotten up, oikawa felt uneasy, thinking that kyotani was perhaps thinking of ways to murder him when he got the chance. so he left as quickly as he could giving the girl a small goodbye, her giving him a thanks.

kyotani didn't ask her what she was doing with oikawa. he never did. she thought about the advice oikawa had given her. 

gathering up the little courage she had, she asked kyotani the question that was building up in her throat. 

"did i.. do something wrong?" 

she felt kyotani go stiff next to her but then he relaxed. "what do you mean?"

"i mean, did i do anything to upset you?" 

"what? no." 

"are you sure? because if i did, please tell me so that i can make it right or i can find a way to make it up to you—“

"for fucks sake what is with you today?" 

"wha..? me? i should be asking you that! you're the one whose been acting so weird!" she didn't even realize they stopped walking and her voice was getting louder with every word. "you're the one that's been all hot and cold towards me, did you even notice that i've been agonizingly overthinking this whole thing!?" 

"overthinking what!? is there  _anything_ to overthink??" kyotani was filled with rage, his voice was overpowering hers. "you've been the one who has been making whatever this is so hard and irritating and you're... you're..."

"and i'm what kyotani? say it! tiring? annoying?  _unbearable_? is that it?" 

"no, that's not what--" 

"then what!?"

" _YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING YOURSELF SO VULNERABLE!"_ he had taken her by the shoulders, yelling it in her face. 

"you always do this to yourself! you shut yourself away, you dont tell me what bothers you! and i know that i can't always be there to protect you--"

"i never asked you to kyotani. is that what you think of me? that i'm some frail object that you feel the need to protect? is that why... is that why you bothered sticking around? am i just some charity case that helps you feel a little less shitty of the guy i know you can be?" 

"no! no that's not why i stayed, i.. i'm not good with words. you know that i'm not." 

"you were fine just a couple moments ago." 

"i didnt mean that! cmon." he let go of her shoulders, taking one arm into his hand trying to tug her along, but she forced her arm out of his grasp. 

"no no no! no kyotani! im tired of being some kind of weight that people have to lug around! i cant take this anymore!" 

her eyes threatened to spill the pool of tears that were beginning to flood. he just stood there in utter disbelief. kyotani had never seen her get this bad.

she stood there in the middle of the sidewalk. her body was trembling, choking back sobs as best she could. she couldn't even will herself to look him in the eyes anymore. 

kyotani made a move to give her a hug, an attempt to make the situation a little less shitty than what it was, but she pulled away from him. 

"god why does this feel like a lovers' quarrel kyotani?" 

he couldnt answer her, of course he couldnt. what could he even possibly say?

after a couple more minutes, she just kept walking home. he followed close behind her, but didnt attempt anything else. 

all they heard were each others steps, he could hear her breathing start to grow even from her slowly relaxing. once they were in the elevator and the closer they got to kyotani's floor, she could feel the regret and fear begin to pool inside of her. she urged herself to apologize, say goodbye, something! 

but her throat was dry and her heart clenched as she saw him walk out the elevator, without saying another word.

she saw the doors begin to draw to a close and the form of his back slowly disappeared from her sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woahhh okay, this chapter was more based on her relationship with kyotani, and uhh i think this was okay? 
> 
> Also! if youre interested in VOLTRON (cos boi am i in deep) i have one posted klance story :)) im working on more, idk when ill release them but i shall let you know! <33


	6. Step Six: Part One

_[ **step 6.** every bruise on his body is another reason to walk away but you passed the point where you could leave long ago. now your hands try to learn how to hold and to stroke, how to soothe burns and bruises. they re-learn how to be hands instead of just another weapon to wield against life.]_

 

it had been a month after her fight with her best friend. he didn't say a word to her and she didn't say a word to him. 

yes, they'd see each other sometimes in the mornings, but they never walked together. always her walking a distance in front of him. 

she feels stuck and lost without him, but she's come to the conclusion that maybe it was fate. that her issues had finally driven him away, the same way she did with everyone else. she hadn't even talked to oikawa either since she didn't wait on kyotani after club anymore. 

well she hadn't until there was a commotion outside of her classroom at the beginning of their lunch break. she heard the gasps, giggles, and whispers of her fellow classmates. 

"who do you think he's here for?" 

"do you know if he's dating anyone right now?" 

"shoudn't you know? aren't you one of his-"

she was eavesdropping when she felt someone tap her shoulder. 

"(y/n)-san, someone is here for you."

"eh?" she said, along with every girl in her classroom. when she looked towards the door she saw oikawa standing there looking bashful, his hand waving softly at her. 

~

oikawa had taken her to remote hallway, they didn't talk along the way but she was comfortable with the silence. 

he made motion to sit on a bench and they sat there for a bit before she said, 

"what did you need oikawa-san?" she didn't mean for it to sound sorta harsh, but she was just curios as to why he had gone to look for her. 

"nothing specific. i just wanted to talk." offering her a smile, he continued making small talk with her. she would talk some, but he noticed that she wasn't really  _there,_ her mind somewhere else. 

he poked her shoulder, startling her a bit even though they've been sitting together for most of the lunch break. 

"im sorry, im being rude aren't i" a nervous laugh following her sentence. 

"no its okay." he said. he actually did have a reason to talk to her, but he wasn't sure how to bring it up. 

the thing was, the spring high tournament was coming up. his team was practicing non stop, but after kyotani stopped hanging out with her, his reckless behavior on the court became even worse. oikawa was hoping that maybe if she spoke to him, that he would find reason and be ready for when it was time for the tournament. 

he just didn't know  _how_  to bring it up. the bell for lunch to end rang, but before she could leave he said, "do you want to, i dont know, walk home together after club...?" 

she just stared at him. "i mean, to keep talking! and only if you want to." she took a few to answer, but hesitatingly said okay and promised to wait for him by the gates. 

they went their separate ways, oikawa internally happy with his little victory and (y/n) only hope that she didnt do anything stupid. 

~

oikawa had planned to ask her about talking to kyotani on the walk home, but he couldn't bring himself to just ask. they walked home together for a few weeks after that, their routines slowly meshed together and they became friends. she didn't feel so alone anymore and oikawa felt that he was finally getting somewhere with her. 

he noticed though that she didn't like talking about kyotani, which made things even harder for him to ask her of the favor. 

while he struggled with that, (y/n) grew to appreciate him. she saw sides of him that she didn't even know existed. 

she found that he liked milk bread, volleyball was his life, and they would text each other often now. they texted or sometimes  even called if oikawa didn't have the energy after another intense volleyball practice.

he would send her pictures of the view he would see sometimes on his morning runs and she'd send pictures of any stray animals she came across. she thought their friendship was special like that and appreciated their time spent together. 

~

it was a week away from the spring tournament and oikawa had given up on having her talk to kyotani. he had rather decided on asking her to go watch them play and if kyotani knew she was there, he may behave on the court. 

so sticking with this plan, he invited her out. they settled on meeting at a local cafe on the weekend. he had gotten there early and sat patiently in one of the many booths that the popular cafe offered. he was getting nervous, hoping that she would agree with his request. 

making her way inside, she saw oikawa sitting with his hands in his head. she walked towards him and tapped his shoulder, not asking what bothered him because he would just deny it anyway. 

they ordered some food and just talked like they were used to. he was waiting for an opening to where he could bring up the tournament, but he didn't need to. she brought it up, asking if it was the next weekend it started. 

"yea, it'll start then. the whole team is excited, they've been working so hard for this." his eyes were filled with pride, they did each time he talked about his team. he took this as a chance to ask her, knowing there wouldn't be another chance. 

"i want you to be there. could you do that for me?" he looked her expectantly, but she stuttered out a why.

"what do you mean why? you're like my best friend, isn't it normal to go cheer your friend on?"

"well, yes of course, but... im not sure that its okay for me to.. yknow, be there. not after what i did..." she began to do the thing that made her look small, her arms encasing her in her own safe space, deciding not to look him in the eye. 

he stayed quiet, trying to think of something that could convince her to want to go. several minutes passed before he said, "you don't even have to sit with the school in the stands. just having you in there would be enough." 

"im sorry oikawa, but i cant okay? please respect my decision. it wouldnt feel right to me to go in there supporting you after i basically told kyotani off. it wouldnt be fair to him." 

“right.” he huffed, it would be a lie to say that oikawa was okay with what she was saying. there were things that he could retaliate with, he could say bad things about kyotani, guilt tripping her into going for him and to forget about kyotani as a whole. 

but he decided against it. he kept his cool the entire afternoon they were together. starting with a stroll through the little marketplace and ending it by swinging on the swings in the park before oikawa walked her home. they didn’t say much to each other while in the elevator. 

she could feel that there was some tension from their earlier conversation at the cafe. 

before getting to her floor, she took his hand and squeezed it. 

“i really am sorry that i cant—“ 

“it’s not that you can’t, it’s that you won’t.” 

the elevator dinged, it’s door opening wide. 

“i am sorry. you know i am. ill see you monday, yeah?” 

he gave her a nod and a small smile, watching her walk away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have made this into two parts, i felt that it would be too long and kinda fast to end chapter six this way so part one has made its appearance. please look forward to part two as well.
> 
> this make this story have 8 chapter instead of 7!


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